Saturday, November 06, 2004

If I Could Cry, I Would Almost Break Down in Tears...

Hello heart attack!!!! I come into work this morning and while I'm casually filling out time cards I see a scribbled post-it on the corner of my desk.




followed by his phone number....

McSweeney's is one of the hippest literary journals in the Nation founded by Best Selling author Dave Eggers. I sent out a bunch of "stuff" to McSweeney's late last summer and still have yet to hear back from them.

Until this morning. I was out late last night, carousing with mutual muses Kim, Bob, Amanda and "Farm girl" Katie (who told me the difference between straw and hay "There's a reason us nice farm girls roll around in the hay and not the straw.") I somersauletd out of bed, clocked in early on a weekend, opened the library, listened to customers grouse about the temperature, listened to foreign students butcher the lexicon of my youth before dodging back into my office and there it was, posted in the corner, winking at me in scribbly ink.

Then it hit me.

" I'm....published in a major journal!!!!!!! What am I going to tell my mom? I've finally been acknowledged as a writer!!!"

I went outside for a smoke. I called my co-worker SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED GRETCHEN who took the message last night. She yelled at me for waking her up and then said yes, some guy called long distance for you. He said it was really important.

"Gretchen, do you know what this means? That's the name of the guy I sent off my manuscripts to last august!"

Sexually Frustrated Gretchen : Yawn.

"This means I'm finally a writer Gretchen!!!!"

Sexually Frustrated Gretchen: Click.

My entire body rattled like a maladjusted seismic monitor as my fingers pecked out the numerical shapes. What would he say?

"Dave man your writing's the shit brother. We love it!!!! Come out here and write a monthly column for us!!"

As I called the number and listened to the static drone of cellular warble I was left with a voice mail address of none other than Nick the Writer, my beautiful writer friend who's living in New York.

"Just called to see what you were up to brother. And, oh yeah, gotchya!!!!"

Damn it Nick!!!


daku said...

Mistuh D, that truly sucks. Nick i am sure will be followed by a bad karma, or perhaps seriously nasty mara for this. and, well if that helps,... i think there is a long track record of kick ass writers who didnt make it while still with their ass in this realm. oh well. i know what you're thinkin.

David Von Behren said...

I must be doin' something right. Everytime I log onto blogger I'm surrounded by angels....

Ace said...

That really stings. I don't know how to say that it isn't a nasty prank. It's quite evil.
True I do prank a lot but this was quite nasty in ways.
However hmm this does bring back memories of my prank-filled days when I too was evil and got away with most of my pranks. The secret to which was an innocent smile.
But you get what you give and every good prank deserves another eventually. I'm sure what goes around would come around and he'd get his just desserts.

arya said...

daveeeed. miss you, nice to finally catch up. mean mean man. but you are already published far and wide you just have to wait to see it.

arya said...

daveeeed. miss you, nice to finally catch up. mean mean man. but you are already published far and wide you just have to wait to see it.

Sarah said...

All I can say is KARMA DUDE, how it happens, see yya,