Monday, December 31, 2012

New year incipience of wayward wonder on the winterseque hush of promise...


As the last night of December blankets the world in a crisp sheet of beckoning white, frost engendering doilyesque patterns of brittle mosaic across the stationary canvas of settled windshields, the  distillated tint of encroaching winter darkness, empty and unfurling and everywhere at the same time arrives like an explosive splattering of ink trickling across the stillness of five p.m. when the last hint of lavender sloppily leaks into the peach cream filled sunset aerially puddled in the overhead compartment of the West, a swansong solstice of hope eclipsing the carousel-shaped cogs of the now defunct Mayan calendar, the evergreen scent of pines, mingled with the sight of illuminated holiday wicks while everywhere breath escaping like a convict from lips, from the prison of our bodies.

On this the last night of 2012, one week after the gentle passing of another Christmas, bartering the baggage of the last year for the promise of the shepherding glory of what is to come, granting unbidden birth to the morning pink eye-lidded yawn of 2013, the green g-mail chat bullet of the planet still galatcically tethered and cosmically buoyed around the winking bulb of the nearest day star socketed inside the inscrutable fabric of the universe itself. The genesis of a new slate of incumbent January snow melting in tandem following the platter of stale new years eve confetti and exclamatory countdowns en masse that would make even the stoic collective chins of NASA salute in anticipation over the toppling descent of integers pregnant with the pocked sound of champagne hiccupping free from its emerald esophagus followed by a ricochet of corks followed by dry kisses and embraces and a round of old acquaintances being forgotten followed by the (interior writhing) realization of age and the fractured ineluctability of death, the cathartic gut-dripping insight that the allotted dash of seconds granted to us as a gift to thrive and to create and to love and to give all on the fallow scalp of this planet--this viable arboretum of intelligence and life--and that you are here optically indulging in the phonetics of this experiment of pulse and breath--that you are here, wading knee-high through this experience of existence, this time, this place, the joy, the sorrow---somehow you are (for however tersely) a part of this global collective waltz--that you are part of this tear drop trickling down the cheekbones of the planet called humanity and that your voice, your persona, your song, indeed, carries with it the most fragrant chorus sprinkled with significance and wonder.

-art by my brother Jeremy Berkely!!!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

The gift of a dairy goat represents a lasting, meaningful way you have chosen to help a little boy or girl on the other side of the world.

Goats thrive in extreme climates and on poor, dry land by eating grass and leaves. The gift of a dairy goat can supply a family with up to several quarts of nutritious milk a day - a ton of milk a year. Extra milk can be sold or used to make cheese, butter or yogurt. Families use goat dip “manure” to fertilize gardens as well as goat urine as a natural organic hand sanitizer assisting to quell the spread of bacteria-related infections in third world countries.

Goats often have two or three kids a year making it easy for GREEN AID recipients to pass on the gift of a goat to another family in need. This formidable investment allows our partners to lift themselves out of poverty by starting small dairies that earn money for food, health care and education. As stated in the Huffington Chronicle, Zembla native-born Knarp Samtsirhc, recounts how, due to the aegis of a donated Goat one Christmas morning, she was able to pull herself out from a prostitution ring at a young age and via the international sale of Organic Goat hand lotions listed on-line, was capable of achieving a scholarship to attend the prestigious Mozambique school of the Mortuary sciences. She now works as a cocktail stewardess.

 Thank you for helping a family this holiday season with the gift of a goat!!!!

As part of this gift you will receive annual pictures of your goat in various stages of maturation. Your goat will be named after you in a village cleansing ceremony conducted by ex-jazz legend turned Zembla priest Deknup Neeb Ev’uoy, where the sacred Sage of Illumination will be lit and smoked as your goat will receive the traditional Zemblan blessing of fecundity. Since the donation of your goat was made under the altruistic Double-Dee repayment program, GREEN AID will send you caricatured pictures of your goat dressed up in iconic outfits i.e., donned in a pastel bonnet as Mary from Mary had a little lamb, attired in a black suit and sunglasses making “This look good” a la Will Smith from MEN IN BLACK 2, or sporting a listless perm and dated blouse idling over a plate of forgotten veal the words I’LL HAVE WHAT SHE’S HAVING flitted across the bottom of the page, a parody from the U.S hit movie ‘When Harry Met Sally.’  Gift-donor recipient  Betheseda Nicole Nelson, a sophomore from Tallahassee state, noted in a recent facebook profile status update that she loves hanging up the caricatured vignettes of ‘Boobles’  because it makes her dorm room look, “Oh so cute,” granting her living quarters  that “down home fresh from the farm” feeling boys’ love.


In addition, GREEN AID  will  automatically enter your name into a raffle to have your face featured as “Mama” on  Mama Myrtle’s organic brand fertilizer, the manure that gives your early-rising crops the late-night munchies. Last years winner, Gladys Dillinger of  Ayekup, IA stated that she felt, “pickled pink, yet humbled-toed” to have her visage adorning the cover of so many packages at the local co-op, and was honored when she was asked to be a Guest Judge at the annual Ayekup 4-H whittling competition. “I sure do know how that goat must feel over there in Zembla when he arrives to that poor, famished third world family,” Gladys noted, holding what was suppose to be a whittled White House, which looked more like a miniature oak urinal. “To bring happiness and joy to so many in need—the feeling is just overwhelming and life-altering. It’s what the give- a-goat program is all about.”


To redeem your Holiday Goat that will change the lives of many less fortunate this holiday season  visit Green Aid Gratuities on-line at and type in the listed information where it says MILK MY GOAT INTO REALITY:

                                #N  gis s’Nisuoc Dniheb KOOL

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Mayan Calanedar, maxi-pads, and the end of chornicled time as we now know it....

..Thinks that the highlight of the world cataclysmically capitulating into a wink of ontological nothingness on Dec. 21st is that (judging by the neon pink bulb circumferenced around the following calendar square) my hot Mayan girlfriend purportedly is scheduled to have her period on Dec. 22nd...TRUST ME!!...faux-Armageddon is nothin' compared to the tampon-hurling wrath of a menstruating Mesoamerican..Holy Q'uq'umatz!!!