Tuesday, December 25, 2012

The gift of a dairy goat represents a lasting, meaningful way you have chosen to help a little boy or girl on the other side of the world.

Goats thrive in extreme climates and on poor, dry land by eating grass and leaves. The gift of a dairy goat can supply a family with up to several quarts of nutritious milk a day - a ton of milk a year. Extra milk can be sold or used to make cheese, butter or yogurt. Families use goat dip “manure” to fertilize gardens as well as goat urine as a natural organic hand sanitizer assisting to quell the spread of bacteria-related infections in third world countries.

Goats often have two or three kids a year making it easy for GREEN AID recipients to pass on the gift of a goat to another family in need. This formidable investment allows our partners to lift themselves out of poverty by starting small dairies that earn money for food, health care and education. As stated in the Huffington Chronicle, Zembla native-born Knarp Samtsirhc, recounts how, due to the aegis of a donated Goat one Christmas morning, she was able to pull herself out from a prostitution ring at a young age and via the international sale of Organic Goat hand lotions listed on-line, was capable of achieving a scholarship to attend the prestigious Mozambique school of the Mortuary sciences. She now works as a cocktail stewardess.

 Thank you for helping a family this holiday season with the gift of a goat!!!!

As part of this gift you will receive annual pictures of your goat in various stages of maturation. Your goat will be named after you in a village cleansing ceremony conducted by ex-jazz legend turned Zembla priest Deknup Neeb Ev’uoy, where the sacred Sage of Illumination will be lit and smoked as your goat will receive the traditional Zemblan blessing of fecundity. Since the donation of your goat was made under the altruistic Double-Dee repayment program, GREEN AID will send you caricatured pictures of your goat dressed up in iconic outfits i.e., donned in a pastel bonnet as Mary from Mary had a little lamb, attired in a black suit and sunglasses making “This look good” a la Will Smith from MEN IN BLACK 2, or sporting a listless perm and dated blouse idling over a plate of forgotten veal the words I’LL HAVE WHAT SHE’S HAVING flitted across the bottom of the page, a parody from the U.S hit movie ‘When Harry Met Sally.’  Gift-donor recipient  Betheseda Nicole Nelson, a sophomore from Tallahassee state, noted in a recent facebook profile status update that she loves hanging up the caricatured vignettes of ‘Boobles’  because it makes her dorm room look, “Oh so cute,” granting her living quarters  that “down home fresh from the farm” feeling boys’ love.


In addition, GREEN AID  will  automatically enter your name into a raffle to have your face featured as “Mama” on  Mama Myrtle’s organic brand fertilizer, the manure that gives your early-rising crops the late-night munchies. Last years winner, Gladys Dillinger of  Ayekup, IA stated that she felt, “pickled pink, yet humbled-toed” to have her visage adorning the cover of so many packages at the local co-op, and was honored when she was asked to be a Guest Judge at the annual Ayekup 4-H whittling competition. “I sure do know how that goat must feel over there in Zembla when he arrives to that poor, famished third world family,” Gladys noted, holding what was suppose to be a whittled White House, which looked more like a miniature oak urinal. “To bring happiness and joy to so many in need—the feeling is just overwhelming and life-altering. It’s what the give- a-goat program is all about.”


To redeem your Holiday Goat that will change the lives of many less fortunate this holiday season  visit Green Aid Gratuities on-line at www.holidaygoat@greenag.org and type in the listed information where it says MILK MY GOAT INTO REALITY:

                                #N  gis s’Nisuoc Dniheb KOOL

1 comment:

David Von Behren said...

This is the mock Christmas gift I gave my beloved Uncle larry in the yearly von behren dirty-santa gift swap... Knarp Samtsirhc spells "Christmas prank" backwards... Deknup Neeb Ev’uoy...is 'You've been punked'...#N gis s’Nisuoc Dniheb KOOL is "Look behind cousin's sign" (we have this placard in our living room at christmas that shows the cousins since the time they were in utero in various positions planted around the tree at Grandmas) and if you don't know that Zembla is a fictitious country than you obviously never had to slog through copious amount of Nabokov in college....