Thursday, June 27, 2013

"Closets are for Gowns, Cinderella."

Three days after Her Fairy Godmother's

Funeral, Prince Charming confessed

To Cinderella that he greatly enjoyed

Trying on her dresses while she was out

Sipping Cosmopolitans with Snow White.

It was the same night that Snow White

Admitted that she was actually quite a whore

Living with seven small men with

Very large feet. "Bashful wasn't so bashful

In the bedroom if you know what I mean,

And you'll never guess what Doc

Really was a Doctor of..."

The two of them crossed their legs at the bar,

Slamming shots of slippery nipples

Out of beakers. They giggled and teased

Far past midnight until the pumpkin

Flavored sun lumbered up in the East

Rella caught a cab back to her North

Shore Suburban apartment only to stumble

Inside and find Prince Charming wearing

One of her hot pink girdles around his

Head. Her Hollywood Naughty girl garter

'Mesh lynx coated corset Rella received

On her Bachelorette Party from Rupunzel pinned

To his hairless chest. A burgundy hyphen

Cover Girl's finest tinged his lips satin.

His visage was tilted like a White Trash

Christmas tree, dappled blotches of mascara

Reflecting dual ponds of azure Coated lids;

Elliptical planetary eyeliner gone awry.

"I think this could really save our marriage, honey”

The prince admitted stretching up one of his wife's

Inky-laced stockings far past his kneecap, clacking

His heels together, keeping his elbows angled

Into his waist as he effeminately

Gesticulated with both palms.


"I never told you but long before I ever indented

My ankle and swooped down on one knee,

I doffed my Addidas and tried the glass slipper

On myself and, guess what? It fit perfectly!

I then realized that I should have proposed to me!

PC declared, much to Rella's dismay.

"I'm not quite sure how to take all of this PC,"

Rella said, gnawing on her tongue.

She remembered how once, three months

Into their marriage, she e-mailed her fairy godmother

Who also knew a thing or two about the flickerin’

Magic inside the bedroom.


"My Prince won't come or else he comes

Too soon!" She typed via Instant Messenger.

"He fucks me once and then roles over

Frisking his fingers across the

lamp stand fishing for the remote control.

Please help me!" She cried. "My darling

Dear," The Fairy Godmother replied.

"Your marriage is simply in that period

Between Happily Ever After and the

Neighborhood of Make Believe.

I remember when Never-Never Land

Banished Peter Pan because he traded in

His Pixie-dust for a PhD and pocket watch.



"My darling dear, you simply cannot

Remember How Once Upon A Time

You were quite content sweeping flecks

Of dust. I should have shoved that broom

Up your ass you whined so much about

How you never looked like anybody else.

You whined incessantly about finding a

Soul-mate in an age where no one has a

Soul nor do they mate for very long.

You groused and bitched until one night I took

A piss in the Pumpkin patch and forwarded

You online Directions to the Fairy Tale Gala.


"Here," said Fairy Godmother handing

The wand to Cinderella across the computer screen.

"Are you going to turn him into my Sex slave?"

Cinderella proclaimed, clasping her hands together

In lascivious prayer. "Oh Heavens, no!"

Replied her Fairy Godmother.

"There are other wands reserved for that, my dear.

Take this into the bedroom and watch what happens."

Cinderella logged off without thanking

Her mentor and later on that night while PC swigged

His Zima and popped three Zoloft, yawning in the opposite

Direction of his wife, Cinderella, intent on licking

Her nuptial twin with sin, brandished a V-tailed conductor's

Rhetoric, tapped the wand on Prince Charming's thick brawn

Shoulder blade three times. "Is that your Wand or are you just

Happy to see me?" He exclaimed. Then all was well until

Gradually the tip of the wand abraded, whittling into minute

particles of scattered fairy tale dust.

PC began to take more interest in the outfits

Cinderella unzipped on the far end of the futon

Before she buckled her limbs around him.

When PC began to yell out the names of different outfits

Cinderella owned, she intuited it to signify

A positive result of unabashed Male coitus,

Until the abscessed-tipped wand gave the Prince

A diaper rash. "This all must stop right Now," PC Declared

(he was sensitive down there).



That was two years ago and now Cinderella

Stands looking at PC, mouth aghast;

Her Fairy Godmother charred into cindery ashes.

In accordance to the will her remnants are to be scattered

Over the Pumpkin patch. "When did our marriage

Turn into the Ice Age?" Rella muses aloud, wondering

How Prince Charming managed to make his package

Look so small behind her translucent thong.

"We're supposed to be an indelible role model

For aspiring couples everywhere.

Everything was supposed to be perfect!"



"Maybe it still is, honey." PC says tapering an ash

From his Virginia Slim. "I'm having trouble

Double-knotting your corset, but maybe

If we both hold each other just long enough

With the lights out it will resemble the stars

That night when first we met and I danced with you

Because I noticed that eventually, if I stared down

Long enough into the reflective tips of your glass

Sling back slippers, I could make out the color

Of your underwear and eventually, if I gazed up just

A little bit longer, I would be able to make out the color of you.

"Eventually you made your way up to my eyes."

Rella said, sobbing a tear with a balled up Kleenex while

PC, who was now tall, dark, handsome and flaming,

Contorted two metal hangers into tiaras, placing them each

Like a laurel's nest atop their respected Foreheads.

"I don't plan on lowering my vision anytime soon."

Says the newly christened Princess, rubbing a lipstick

Smudge off his front tooth before dimming the lights

Reeling Rella into his ersatz bosom.

"I think everything is going to be alright."


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