Thursday, July 01, 2004

Kiss of Glory Pedals

Having a hard time writing and sleeping this week for some reason. Maybe its the trying move pinched with allergy nausea (my nose is a gunked-up faucet) Uncle Mike said something really brilliant last night. He talked about the faith rocketing solely towards the future.

"Often times in our own lives we have a tendency to look back and try to figure out what happened. This is true in psycho-analysis. Instead of focusing with precision on where we want to go, we ponder invariably what traumatic event must have happened to us the moment the baby carriage rolled off the front porch.

"The faith focuses on the future. It focuses on changing our thinking (as Shogi Effendi says). It's not about what has been done before as much as it is what will be done."

Mike used a cool proveb by Jesus but I was too enervated to remember the exact details. Soemthing about when your ploughing a field and slicing up arable soil into furrows, if the driver of the plough keeps his eye keenly focused on a spot in front of him, he will have a straight line and a profitable harvest. If the driver of the plough keeps looking over his shoulder to see what land was already sewn, his horse will slightly swerve and at the end he will discover that his line is not straight, diminishing the supply of his harvest.

I really liked that analogy. I'm always hung up and looking back over something. Whether it's inwardly lamenting over my father's death or reflecting over that one moment with that one perfect girl and trying to viacriously relive that emotion in ersatz others...and I still emotionally tackle the painful penumbra's of highschool and around-the-clock work life as a validation for my own personal "sulk"--but honestly, as much as I love to look into the purple-hue of that country sunset and think about what once was, I love theorizing the fact that I haven't hit my peak yet, that I haven't yet said what I'm suppose to say and that in my own life (as well as in the faith) everything is spring soil fraught with mulch and dirt and who knows what color the pedals will unfold when touched by the fortifying shaft of light?


daku said...

In Czech we always say that crab (cancer, our astrological sign) always walks backwards. I really have no clue if the creature really crawls backwards or if it's just some saying - but looking back seems to be our astrological heritage. I agree future/vision is the way. But understanding the past is important too: my Mara feeds on the past and if I don't acknowledge and expose it, it grows.

David Von Behren said...

WOW-Maybe's it's incumbent in both our astrological genetics to dwell on the past and to smoke!