Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Ahhhhh.......the joys of being a christian scientist....

Since I've just finished a very sodden conservative bowl of Quaker Oatmeal with former president Richard Nixon( Good Old Dick Nix even booked me a cool hotel room and taped our entire conversation, don't worry, he says will be out of 'Nam shortly) I decided, based on Daniela's cyber- assesment of my spiritual proclivities, to research Christian Science. The first person I thought of was my old German tour guidess, incidentally the only Christian Scientist I've ever met way back from '96, Miss Airlie Scott, whose name I googolized and viola, there she is red hair and all (although I still think she looks a tad Dylan Thomasish in the face) a fully accomplished swanky Jazz singer in London....Airlie was my tour guide in Munich and I totally tried to seduce her with hubristic training-bra poems, only I fell short. She would encourage me and smile at me and more or less humor the unbidden advances of a very foppish high-school senior. I remember writing her a poem about, what else, human suffering and human longing and the ever curvaceous shape of the human heart and I read it to her afterhours in my slow, poetically lited voice and afterwards she sort've looked at me like I was giving a lecture on Fire safety to felllow inmate patients.... Oh well, nothing beats seeing a former muse blossom into fruition in her career (it verify's that you yourself have good taste and high standards), especially if it's a professional career in the arts. Attagirl Airlie!!! Next time I find myself bashing around England I'll make sure to meander into one of your smoke-filled hovels and applaud your silky-voiced bee-bop scat!!!!

Since I'm apparently more of a Christian Scientist than I am male, here's a totally pointless list of fellow scientists I share the reading room with:

Marilyn Monroe - actress
Carol Channing - actress
Robert Duvall - actor
Jean Harlow - actress
Alfre Woodard - actress ("Star Trek: First Contact"; "The Core"; etc.)
Ellen DeGeneres - comedian; actress *
Alan Young - actor ("Mr. Ed")
Mickey Rooney - actor
Jean Stapleton - actress ("All in the Family")
Georgia Engel - actor ( "The Mary Tyler Moore Show")
Joan Crawford - actress (What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?; Flamingo Road; Possessed; Grand Hotel, and dozens more)
Ginger Rogers - actress, dancer
Doris Day - actress, movie star
Spalding Gray - actor (The Killing Fields, True Stories, Beaches, Straight Talk, King of the Hill); theatrical monologuist; writer (Impossible Vacation) *
Val Kilmer - actor, movie star (Red Planet; Pollock; The Prince of Egypt; The Saint; The Ghost and the Darkness; The Island of Dr. Moreau; Batman Forever; Tombstone)
Bruce Campbell - actor ("Evil Dead; Evil Dead II; Congo; Icebreaker; Demolitionist; The Hudsucker Proxy; etc.)
Danielle Steele - popular American author
Jonathan Carroll - author *
Richard Bach - famed author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull and other books *
John Hughes - former editor of Christian Science Monitor and spokesman for U.S. State Department; first editor of the Deseret News who was not a Latter-day Saint
Cindy Adams - journalist, newspaper columnist
Kay Kyser - famed musician, big band leader
Mike Nesmith - of the Monkees
Jim Henson - famed puppeteer ("Muppets"; "Sesame Street") *
David Unger Hart - puppeteer
Tommy Vardell - professional football player (NFL)
Shannon Miller - gold medal-winning Olympic gymnast
William Webster - FBI and CIA director
Alan Shepherd - astronaut, first American in space
H.R. Haldeman - important political figure in Nixon administration
John Ehrlichman - important political figure in Nixon administration
Senator Charles Percy
Congressman John Rousselot
Christopher Shays - House of Rep., Republican, Connecticut (1999)
Thomas M. Davis III - House of Rep., Republican (1999)
David Dreier - House of Rep., Republican (1999)
Robert W. Goodlatte - House of Rep., Republican (1999)
Lamar Smith - House of Rep., Republican (1999)
David James Nolan - Chancellor of The Christian Science University. Excommunicated from the Church of Christ, Scientist. One of the main figures in a Science and Health copyright case tried in U.S. Supreme Court

-Note the prominent Nixon administrative staff.


David Von Behren said...

Of course, as much as I love Marilyn Monroe and Shannon Miller (and remember Kim Zemskel back from '92? H'llo gorgeous!!!!)...nothing rivals the beautiful friendship of the dulcet bloggin' duet of A & D....maybe I'm more Baha'i than the 'pewter can shuffle and calculate.....

arya said...

quaker oatmeal is the competition. and i thought we were friends!

David Von Behren said...

I'm a very liberal quaker.....